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And Just Like That......

Updated: Feb 10, 2022

The Teen turned twenty in unbelievable style.........................................................................

.......I unfortunately remain traumatised!

That party!

That Covid safe party!

Dear god!

Never again!

I now feel sufficiently recovered 'physically' after almost 6 days... but mentally, my recovery will take longer, much longer, like forever. Yes I know I was a teenager once and yes I was bit of a bugger but these new hybrid lockdown teens are just unhinged!

On Monday, we have been here one whole, long and very busy month and I am 'exhaustipated' and by the time the prep was done for the party on Tuesday, I just wanted to go to my room and leave them to it! I really wish I had. Some things, as they say, cannot be unseen sadly!

Mistake one:

H invited too many people to arrive early... erm.... to 'help' set up. Why? I have no idea! They of course arrived early, ready to party from the get go and I watched in horror as my French champagne walked sassily out of the door! Why the alcohol in the barn wasn't enough, I will never know! Also they didn't help with setting up much really, instead got busy wasting off the Helium and champagne and so many hundreds of balloons remain unused. I can live with that I guess.

Mistake two:

Not really a mistake, but there were a lot of kids relying on train journeys, to where we live rurally in the East Midlands. The party kick off was supposed to be at 7.30 pm sharp but with just ten minutes to go, several people had to get in their cars and drive to various train stations to rescue stranded kids.

Mistake three:

Out sourcing the catering which was just MEH. I literally gave away 750 quid to a caterer who spent what, less than100 quid on food and pocketed the rest! Sharing boards my arse! I could have popped to Asda and done the same! Also, Teens as it happens aren't super interested in fruit, dips and shit! I've never seen so much left over pork pie! Teens don't eat pork pie, I guess?

I also outsourced the furniture hire. The table cloths and champagne glasses didn't arrive and somehow had disappeared off the second quote. We rescued the situation by buying dust sheets and forgot about doing anything about champagne glasses.

So, the start to the party was late and a lot fraught. The kids had clearly been drinking since 3pm which was never going to end well, was it? That said, we got going and I reluctantly threw on a dress, lipstick and heels to play hostess of what turned out to be a party Armageddon!

Mistake four:

30 kids in our house! We did make it clear we wouldn't have beds for more than a couple of kids! We also asked they bring sleeping bags and mats which was completely ignored. More about this later.

The venue was our old cow barn and as my dear husband said, as long as the kids didn't lick the walls, all would be well! Post party, I'd say it was entirely possible that the teens would happily lick walls and or windows once sufficiently 'pished'!

We got going, finally, lots of lovely introductions, school pals met uni pals, some fabulous speeches (not her Dads, that wasn't great lol) and there was a little vying for best friend position, I feel? The kids were clearly ready to dance on the ceiling after the formal bits and so the real party soon got underway.

I really thought I had bought way too much alcohol but 'they' proved me wrong on that count and many others and I now understand there could never be enough alcohol for 30 rabid teens!

The barn very quickly melted into mayhem, dancing and alcohol fuelled nonsense. One chap vomited at the table straight on to his plate, not more than an hour into proceedings! Classy! Thereafter there was that horrid stench of cheese, Baileys and red wine that got stuck in ones nostrils and never left. I did wonder why that table cleared so quickly! Understandable, I suppose! Later would we find that some of the napkins had been set alight, same table!

Bloody wild animals!


Emotions ran high then higher as the drink and god knows what else flowed. I decided to escape to the house for a break and to use the loo as one does! I stood patiently cross legged waiting for the girl in the loo to finish her conversation, until I realised her conversation with an unknown was about the party, us, the venue and the house and it was quite derogatory! I duly warned her that I was stood outside the door and could hear her every word but she carried on! Suffice to say I was both hurt and disgusted! I ignored the couple snogging hard and dry humping against my kitchen island and dragged the Teen into the snug to find out who the 'bitch in the bog' was! A friend of now ex Teen then lectured me on how it was a birthday party and not to spoil things by calling the girl out! blah, blah and bloody blah! Honestly, I was livid and wanted to toss said bitch on to the street, but Instead I decided to stay in the lounge and leave the rabble rousers to it.

There are things I could say, but I won't and I certainly won't name names, but it was very interesting to watch just how drunk these kids got and how alcohol coloured their personalities black. There were injuries too! The birthday girl hearing that her childhood friend might have needed some help, fell down the stairs in towering heels. She was all over the place, up and down, crying one minute, dancing through the pain the next. Later we would agree that hosting a party was not her thing and she was too busy worrying about everyone else to have the best time! My dear, long suffering husband later broke up an altercation between testosterone loaded lads and punished them by giving them whisky tasting lessons! Poor things! Me? After saving one girl from hypothermia, I sloped off to bed leaving him in charge.

I have to say we have fabulously understanding neighbours, as try as I did I could not get the kids to switch the music down or off, either would have done. At 4.30 am I finally persuaded my Husband to call time on the party but the beat in my head went on and on! I could still hear voices coming from the open barn as the chaps chewed the cud by the fire pits as the sun rose.

Why don't teens sleep when they should?

At one point I heard someone walk into our ensuite, have a wee, brush their teeth and get ready for bed!

There were complaints about the sleeping arrangements but what could I do!

Thankfully, not too soon, it was time to get up and clear up.

The smell!


Alcohol, fag smoke, sweat, food, vomit and lord only knows what else, bodies and knickers everywhere.........!

The clean up began, me and a few willing victims set to and the process was pretty vile. It took forever and there was a lot of broken hired glass, rubbish and just as we were half way through clearing the event hire company arrived to collect the tables. I'm still washing sheets and towels and even the day long after we started the upstairs clean up, we found uneaten bacon sandwiches, glasses full of booze, condoms, cigarets, lots of knickers and odd socks!


The ex Teen projectile vomited exactly 24 hours after the party began, all over the kitchen sink and then five minutes later asked if we could get Chinese for supper! Lol! I have to say that shocked me a little bit! She also has torn ligaments in her foot but is still smiling through the painkillers, bless.

I rest my case!

As I said. Never ever again!

She's 21 next year.......I am leaving the country!

The end.

D x

P.S. We have ALL suddenly gone of booze.........just saying!

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