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Coffee, walk and talk?


Hello again! As I am bogged down with a nice dose of spring flu, it's the perfect time for a little catch up, I guess.

Whats happened?

He got back from France a week ago Saturday, slightly later than planned, bless him as he had to double back all the way, to the first service station to retrieve his forgotten backpack! Oops! What a faff and then we made the classic mistake of 'day drinking' a lot of the gin he brought back! Very bad decision! I can't do day drinking these days, if I do, I'm in bed by 6pm and this time was no exception!

Anyway, The French Wreck renovations continue apace but never fast enough for me and I have to be careful not to wish my life away. What will be, will be. We were supposed to pick up the RV in the next couple of days and scurry back to France to buy more materials, then hit the road for a good few weeks break. Italy, here we come, I mean, he can work from anywhere, so why not? I guess that one thing we have COVID to thank for! Sadly, the Great Escape is now on hold for a couple of weeks, as he has had to go off for meetings, t'is life! Still, we had a nice bank holiday weekend, just mooching at home, taking the dogs for walks and I discovered the art of 'coffee and walk', introduced to me by my son. He like's to stop and buy a coffee and slice of cake to take on the walk, strange boy. I gave it a whirl and I found myself spilling more coffee than usual (I spill everything anyway) and to add insult to injury, I ended up with indigestion! I really don't think this 'coffee and walk' thing is my thing, but that particular walk was! We wandered aimlessly through wild flower meadows, past streams, gliding swans, mama sheep and their brand new offspring, cows, horses and it was just perfectly, quintessentially English!

The dogs were on leads, just in case you are wondering.

I woke up feeling a bit blue this morning. The weather has been a bit rubbish, 'don't cast clout till may is out' and all that! This morning was no exception, spring rain, the kind of rain the May flowers enjoy but I don't. I had plans to keep busy and beautify myself this week, but I've decided to put it all off until my cold has cleared off and anyway, we aren't going anywhere yet, so no point. Just as I was lamenting life, the post man called and for once he had a package for me! I can't tell you how many packages arrive here daily for my son and his love! Anyway, my dear friend Di has embroidered me a lovely 'Home Sweet Home' framed message and her endearing handwritten card is everything, 'no pressure to hang it now, but in the future when I find that much longed for 'forever home'. Her thoughtful gift means the world to me and its arrival really lifted my spirits, a really welcome and timely surprise. I do hope I meet her very soon? In fact I'm hoping that when we next trip back from France, we can park the RV on her drive! it really is time for a 'meet cute', I will bring the fizz!

The news has been driving me slightly potty these past few days! I often wonder about progress in our world or more to the point, the lack of it. It would seem that America is really struggling to move forward these days. Is it really the land of the free? Or is it the land that has no family paid leave, medical only for those that can afford it and don't get me started on the abortion laws! It's like they are living in the stone age! It's a classic example of how orthodox religion and archaic politics can affect the most powerful country in the west and of course it's female population!

Old misogynistic men making the clock turn backwards! Shame on them.

My last blog was about my personal menopause experience, but I was young once and I haven't forgotten the child baring years or the fear of an unwanted pregnancy. I'm pro choice.100%. I'm pro contraception and abortion. I'm pro everything women need and they need choices. So many more choices than we are told to put up with.

The women of the world bare the monumental task of birthing and raising the children of the world or not, but it must be a choice. When other people make that decision for us, mainly men, it is pretty much saying that we don't hold the same standing in the world as men, religion and politics. We are not equal, we are not important, we are inferior.

Fuck that!

I am unashamed to say that I have had two terminations of pregnancies. One, I chose to have because I had two children already. One child was just 1 and the other 4. My husband was away training with the army and I was in charge of the family fort whilst also holding down a full time job. Even with both of us working, we could barely afford our mortgage and the rising childcare costs in summer 1994. I couldn't see myself managing and so I made an informed and supported choice to terminate the pregnancy. I had the option and I took it.

The second termination was later in life, I was 36 and the Hyperemersis got the better of me. I became dangerously ill and whilst our family circumstances meant the pregnancy was a welcome one, I had to make the tough decision to terminate. My organs were being affected by the sickness and I really wanted to be there to raise the family I already had, nothing is worth dying for, is it? Don't get me wrong both terminations left their mark but they were necessary for my physical, mental and emotional health.

The process of terminating both pregnancies years apart was pretty awful. The first, the fetus didn't come away in one go, so I had to have a D&C and this was done brutally without any pain relief. The other one was just awful. I was given a pessary and because I was around 10/12 weeks pregnant, I bled profusely. I remember being made to walk to the operating theatre with no help. I was greeted by a masked surgeon, his wild eyes and his choice of very obnoxious rock music playing in the theatre. He ignored the pregnancy dripping out of me and on to the floor, using hand signals to get me to get on the operating table. Not nice. Some would say its not supposed to be a nice experience, believe me it never will be, but I do hope there is more care and respect offered these days. Women deserve so much better than what society currently offers. I just remember keeping quiet about the procedure and getting back to mothering duty the day after. I didn't talk about it then, but I feel I owe it to all women including my owns daughters, not to gloss over the subject.

Like the menopause, which is very often a traumatic experience, our fertility, sexual health and pre and post child birth experiences are also often not quite the fairytale we expect. No one should be ashamed of making the right choice for them and society as a whole should be both educated and respectful of our needs. Each experience, especially the menopause can leave one feeling less than human really and its so sad and unnecessary. We do get past it and learn to live with who we've become, the new version of ourselves, it's important for me to tell you that. That said, there's so much more work to be done to help the women of our world, I mean just the other day, I realised that I won't be entitled to a pension unless I do something drastic and soon. I'm 53 and I have raised three humans and followed my husband around the world, putting him first. In doing so I have unwittingly made myself very vulnerable if he were to pop off this mortal coil. I have a paltry civil service pension which I couldn't survive a week on, I kid you not. Back then when I moved my jobs abroad, I didn't clock up any pension contributions, even though I worked with the HM Forces in the same vain. Worst still, when I took time off for maternity leave I didn't get any pension contributions for that period either!

The world will only move forward if we keep shouting about the injustice of it all! Keep talking about it ladies and educate your young men about how it is to be a woman in the 21st century. It really should be better than it is! The change always starts with us.


D x

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