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Festive Spirit

Updated: Feb 10, 2022

or not?

Oh hello Friday again, my old but favourite friend!

The thing is......the thing is, that because we are now living a month ahead in magazine world, I honestly thought it was going to be December in a few days! I'm so confused. It doesn't help that I'm super busy writing festive articles and also thinking about packing up here. I say 'thinking' loosely, because I just want to leave him to it, run away and hide! I might actually, I'm sure he would be better off without my consent complaints! I did order some of those fancy bags that magic those big quilts to the size of a magazine....can't for the life of me remember what they are called!

I won't say I hate moving because I do and you know that about me by now. I just go limp at the thought of packing all that 'stuff' up again so soon. I hate that word 'trigger' but the mention of a move (the second one this year) is making me come all undone again, I am so triggered.

When we moved here just six months ago, this house must have seemed absolutely huge after the weeny Normandy cottage, but it isn't that big at all. In fact the living space is tiny and as we both work from home it seems to have shrunk quite quickly! Then theres all that coming and going which is very normal for complex living, I'm sure, but I don't like it. This morning the mad pup Fizzy was pretty much out on the main road yet again, because someone decided to open the gates for the post woman! The post woman never drives in! She just beeps her horn and one of us residents has to acquiesce to her request! There's always something going on that doesn't involve me, but it disturbs me anyway. Something always happens when I'm just out of the shower or on a call. I don't think post lockdown life suits me if I'm honest! I was quite happy being a hermit! This complex could be a lovely place to live, if I had time for other people and their lives, I just don't. If I was retired it would be almost perfect. Retirement for me is about 17 years away in my estimation, I won't hold my breath eh!

The house that we will be using in Uk, for the back and forth, temporary 'half life' situation, we are stupidly agreeing to, needs 'work'. To add insult to injury it's 'work' we have to do pretty quickly. Talk about making our own lives as difficult as possible! Eeeeeeeeeeee! Of course making things even more complicated is the move is in 4 weeks and just on top of the silly season! Oh well, we will manage, we always do and if push comes to shove, we will just have to eat turkey soup for Christmas lunch, if the old AGA works that is!

In my mind, this next bit, however long it lasts will be worth it. One, the French WRECK will get done and then sold and two, it's a bloody good positive step towards that dream house

dream life in France!

Did I say that out loud? Shouldn't have done really!

In other news, our errant British lorry has finally passed its control technique (MOT) and can now be French registered, just in time for the move! What a blood faff! Back and forth to IVECO, some bad workmanship and a lot of angst! Many months of nonsense but just like that its done! So French! My big blue van 'Mandy' is due its CT and so we popped it in for inspection yesterday, just to work out what it would need? The list is endless but we will get on with it then sell it. Another job done......only not quite, it now has to be made French!

With winter incoming, we need to get to the wreck with the new oil tank and then get the heating engineer out again to finish off. For the first time in over 4 years the wreck with be frost and damp protected! It's the little wins eh! We are also meeting with potential contractors to get the 2 bed barn done in double quick time. Once that is done we no longer need to rent in France and can happily back and forth overseeing the big house work.

Ker Ching Ker Ching!

Every little helps!

2 years baby!

If it's any longer than that I will just give up, say we gave it a good go, move to Nova Scotia and write my memoirs! Two years will go quickly of course, but two years also means two years older! Mind you that said 55 has a good ring to it don't you think? Dream home in France at 55.......! I can sign up to that. Who knows what will happen with the housing market meanwhile? Who knows what will happen with anything but I have to have goals in life.

So we have started to eat the contents of the freezer and all that jazz. Pre move shenanigans are a go! I no longer care. I get like that pre move! Mardy and teenager like. Talking about Mz Teen, she suddenly realised she had a reading week next week and wanted to come home tout sweet. Sadly for her, It was way too late to get any decently priced travel and so she gets to languish some more in her Uni digs! Poor bean. I'm going to suggest driving lessons yet agin!

We do miss each other but I will get home soon to play!

Children eh!

I've re implemented 'tough love' version 1111.28 for Beth. I'm not going to tell you the things she's been saying, but they are dangerous accusations and always when I say 'no''s always been that way. It's a hurdle we never seem to be able to get over. I always hope for change but it never comes. Loving a grown up with severe emotional and mental health issues is both sad and tiring. It is often impossible and not anything like I thought life would be when pregnant with her. She's an adult of course but child like in her manner. She still believes that no matter how bad her behaviour, it's my job to sort it. It isn't. I realised a long time ago that I could either give up my entire life to her issues or get on with mine. I opted to protect myself and her siblings from anymore of the same but it comes with a fairly large dose of guilt. I guess I would be a monster if I didn't have guilt and a bucket load of regrets. She worries me. The constant lashing out, manipulation and of course the lie's that could ruin an entire life.

If you have a close relative who is severely disturbed in your life, I feel for you and I'm here for you. It's such a loss, a grief that never ends, isn't it? You have to forgive them and yourself but move away to a healthier long distance relationship. I think about her every day and night but I realise we can never co exist, ever.

I started this blog talking about Festive Spirit and then clean forgot about it!

Never mind eh! Pour yourself a stiff one, it is Friday after all!

Love and gumption

D x

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