It's just how I feel

Pants!

Hi folks! We've just 13 days left of January 2023, how are we all doing?

I feel rubbish frankly, a blast of the winter lurgy has attacked me, I just didn't duck low enough to avoid getting her airborne plague. Bugger! Also, Moaning Mini is in the garage again and we are still on standby to take H to her new job, pending positive DBS results. I can hardly be bothered at the moment if I'm honest.

Time seems to go so slowly in January!

I entered 2023 with no real plan except just to be.....! That was the plan!

More difficult than it appears, I feel.

This is the first year ever that I'm just trying to let flow and let go. What will be will be, but I'm still eager to get going in France and yet, that remains a work in progress. The renovation progress is slower than my metabolism and we can't buy until we have our third year books, due around this time next year. I know all this to be true and yet I'm still having to try really hard not to fuss, not to window shop for houses and also not to panic! Old habits are hard to break.

I should do nothing because there's nothing to do until 2024 and even then going on the current speed of our accountant, which is set to stop, never go, go , go...our position will be the same in the first quarter of 2024. However, this is the year we need our spending to settle. We need not to move. We need not to invest in this rental, even though the carpet is enough to drive me to drink, or drink more, much more.

Carpets in bathrooms?

Ancient flowery carpets?

French tax?

Just no!

I want to do things.

I'm so bloody bored and frustrated.

It might be beautifully frosty outside, but my cold Yorkshire heart is frozen solid right now!

I want to decorate my own walls, plant out some trees and watch them grow. I don't want to put up with someone else's cranky heating!

Arghhhhhhhh!

When we move into a new rental, which seems to be a habit we cant break, I'm full of plans for about five minutes, then it tragically dawns on me, that this is someone else's home and I'm paying their mortgage or adding to their investment. So no, I shouldn't upgrade the kitchen or spend a fortune on the garden. I should just live with it and bank the cash. I know this to be true and yet.......it's all balderdash and piffle. I don't care!

Maybe that's the issue with me right now! I have 12/18 months (minus nearly one month) to fill and I just need them to be busy, but not wish them away! The problem is, I'm not good at waiting or having nothing meaningful to do. I feel like Kevin from Kevin and Perry fame, a disgruntled spotty teenager, shoulders sloping, a very poor attitude and snappy temperament, or is that a Corgi? Not sure, both maybe.

Kevin the Corgi sounds about right!

Of course, I think the panic comes from the 'anything could happen' thing. We've all been given lessons in what can happen when we least expect it during the last few years, haven't we! 18 months is a long time in my world, any world and we've always been busy, here, there and everywhere! It's odd to just stop! The 'what if's' are hard to ignore. How does one plan not to plan?

I note PM Sunak is on the tele box looking like a devious escapee from the film The Chicken Run! His yes are way too close together!

Maybe I'm struggling because I'm off the wine and coffee? He's certainly not!

I need sun, a million quid and therapy I think lol!

I feel like sending January to my SPAM folder and volunteering for time travel trials, a flight to Pandora or some such. I'm such a mardy cow right now, maybe the only thing that will resolve my problems is a puppy?

Might do!

D x