Staying true

to me.....

T'is true! We women are always more capable, talented and multi faceted than we believe! Sadly, we are pulled so many different ways by normal family life! I feel it!

In that chaos, in those decades that speed by, we often forget who we are, what we need and forget to put ourselves at the top of the list sometimes. We are Mum, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Aunt.......and so much more. Sigh.

We wouldn't have it any other way I guess, but there’s a loss somewhere in the quagmire of family life right?

There's no doubt we wear too many hats and try to do it all as well as we can, of course we do, but it's exhausting! Most of the time the career choice is geared to simply paying the bills, helping the children and not much else. It's nice to get to the point where those dreams can finally be realised.

I know sometimes we already have the dream career and find out it's not the dream at all! Change is as good as a rest they say!

Then at some point in our 50's, when the noise isn't so loud and we do have time on our hands to invest in self. It's in those moments we often feel free but a little lost! What to do now? Am I too old to begin again?

Oh, love, we have so much to offer!

Of course the world is geared to youth and families for a good reason and because it's about building the next generation, it is easy to believe there's no room for us. There is plenty of room especially for age and experience, you just have to switch off the news and crack on. It's your life to live the way you feel fit now, you've done your bit for the family. Now it's time to live and lets face it, we do now have buckets of time to pour into those previously rather empty cups!

My floral design journey is about just that, finding myself and sinking into learning again. Learning something I put on hold a long time ago. It's been a while. Too long actually. I always found a reason not to but of course, moving so much throughout our married life didn't help. I really never wanted to start something I couldn't finish!

Now is definitely the right time for me to bloom.

It's going to be a slow build, slow burn, building my business because I don't want to waste money making mistakes. We've realised a little late in life that jumping in and out of things costs us more than just our financial future.

Now, I'd rather take a year to eighteen months to set out my stall and get plenty of experience whilst building the empire. I mean, I've already changed the company name because it didn't fit, once we had decided NOT to revisit the French adventure.

It's okay to wait and wander gently through the process.

To be brutally honest, life feels more settled since the decision to stay was finally made. Putting the brakes on really has given us clarity. I don't think we've ever been this clear on what it is we want!

It's still a little odd and taking sometime to get used to this hard won peace. The French renovation had coloured our lives completely and it's really, really good, not to be at the centre of the drama anymore.

Sometimes life puts you right where you are supposed to be?

After the first floral course I felt I needed to crack on, build that business, get it done but with this house being a rental and not suitable for a studio, it immediately made me rethink and ask myself some pertinent questions. Beginning with;

Do I want a shop?

I don't think so, no.

We looked at three possibles and I decided that adding the costs of a retail unit to our lives was a bit mad in this climate. I'd never ever heard a florist say they really loved the shop life and honestly, I just don't want the tie! P still travels for work and I'd like the freedom to join him sometimes.

I also want us to continue concentrating on buying that forever home and so I need to box clever with the pounds and pennies, this is not the time to take mad risks. We've only been back a year, there's time yet to figure it all out I suppose?

My recent return to Floral school has very much confirmed that I want to teach floral design and so there's work to do to! Lot's of work! Rome was not built in a day petals!

It was nice being away again, meeting like minded folk. I hated the hotel experience though and really should have done self catering. I need to be able to cook my own food as it was slim pickings at the hotel. I think I got glutenised not long after I arrived at the hotel! I know the chefs try hard but sometimes the cross contamination is too much.

I also struggled with tree pollen and had to take a lot of antihisamines! I needed them but they made me pee all day long! Quite embarrassing really! The hotel was also noisy until around 11 pm and I couldn't rest well. The staff were lovely, the service impeccable but I wanted to feel as fresh as a daisy in the morning and that wasn't possible. Instead I started each day feeling super tired.

Nevertheless, the course was also good reminder of the reason why I want to be knee deep in blooms for the September of my life. Between the tutors, they offered us a wealth of knowledge and experience. Couldn't ask for more really. This particular group of pupils were mostly already practicing floral design or traditional florists retraining. I learnt from everyone, all ages and back grounds.

Floral design is faster paced than you'd believe and those that trained using plastics and foam are finding they now have gaps to fill. The floral world is changing for the better and we all have to adapt. Also the art of comparison can be the thief of joy, so I relaxed into it more this time and went with my way of doing things. I also do not feel the need to follow a crowd, another gift of ageing disgracefully! We must take what we learn and then make it our own. Otherwise we would all be churning out carbon copies of the same design!

One of the hardest things to do as a floral designer is to know when to stop, to know when that design is done, complete, finished and ready for the off! It's so hard not to be self critical and keep faffing!

Anyway, I think that's my training done and dusted for this year! I will always be adding to my floral education but I tallied it all up and with accommodation and travel the two courses have cost us GBP 8,540!

The breakdown

2 week career course - 3500

accommodation - 2000

600 - expenses and travel

3 day course - 1600

accommodation - 600

expenses - 150

travel - 90

Soon adds up eh!

So that’s it for the next six months I think! I now need to invest time and money in the actual business, starting with the website.

Finally, this is a really exciting time in my life beyond all the finer details. I need to remember I've wanted this for a very long time and the right time is now.

My time is here and you know what? I know it was well worth the wait.

Thats for now flower pots!

D x