Tigger Point

Home is where the heart is

Have you ever just NOT been able to get over yourself and get on with it? I've never been a fan of blaming people for triggering someone as they are often unaware and or unable to do anything about it. However, I do believe inanimate objects or 'situations' can trigger me, possibly you too.

Yesterday, I felt super brave, today, not so much. The issue? The French Wreck which under slow renovation. It needs us. It needs us to be there to move it all forward, so that we can then get it sold and move on.

The truth is, Life betwixt France and Uk is both expensive and impossible to balance, especially with rising energy, fuel and food costs.

Be easier and cheaper all round to have one base?

I know it makes sense, of course I do.

I feel bad. I feel like I'm wasting our hard earned money, but we are here in the Uk because of his work, not mine. Still, I just can't seem to picture myself there even for a minute! That house and I were never meant to be I guess. No matter how hard I try to be brave and just get the fudge on with it, I can't. Also, honestly, I don't think I can stomach a move this year!

Renting in France was a disaster so we know we won't be doing that again. Of course we do have in mind to sell, add to the pot of gold and buy again early next year. I still like that plan better and if I'm honest, I'd rather do another 12/18 months back and forth than make myself miserable living in a house I can't get on with.

1st world problems I guess?

I was chatting with a close friend yesterday about the house and what root the problem really is? The truth is, I don't really know. I do know it's not what I wanted and she was very much an impulse buy. My husband just wanted to buy something, anything whilst we were still flitting around the globe.

She, the wreck, is on the road, in a small town with little land. A great house for someone but so far from my list of wants really. She's also certainly been an expensive project and not the cosmetic 'do over' we believed we had bought but thats okay, there have been many positive lessons learnt about renovation in France we can use again down the line. So what's the problem? I was really poorly when we bought her and maybe thats the real trigger? She reminds me of a time I'd rather forget mentally, emotionally and physically.

I really need the chance to 'fall in love' with a pile of bricks in France or anywhere in the world really and I also need accept that The French Wreck isn't the one. However, I do feel sorry for my chap. I feel like I'm really letting him down. There are worse problems in the world, I know, I'm so aware of it, still, it all seems rather selfish and silly doesn't it?

I know I have to keep moving forward with that 'forever home' in mind and try not to beat myself up too much. The French Wreck is having the works from her shell in. I believe someone will love her to the moon and back and our hard work won't be in vain.

More coffee and gumption needed here this morning, I can tell you!

D x