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What is a home?

Updated: Mar 19

You asked!


To me, it's wherever I lay my hat, or has been up to this point in time. I've never really had firm roots, I've just been lucky enough to travel and live in many countries, or cities, should I say, Dubai, Sydney, Toronto and many more, possibly too many. So home to me, is what I make it. I say 'I' because 'tis me that does the home making.


It's been a merry go round for sure.


Having a permanent residence will be new, exciting, but having a real 'forever home' that's the goal and yet, I also find the thought quite terrifying. You'd understand if you had moved as much as I have.


I now get itchy feet after 6 months as standard. It comes over me in a wave, on time without fail and I start reaching for the packing tape.


I can already tell we have a mega move in coming, because I'm binge eating, eating my feelings which is not good at all. Moving anxiety is real, so much so that I may go before he does, simply because he likes to do it the hard way and do it himself.


I honestly can't do another self move and once he's home tomorrow, we will have a proper catch up about the plan? It doesn't matter how many times I tell him 'I can't, or I won't, he uses the money thing as the stick to beat me with, typical Yorkshire man. However, this time, even that won't work. I will help sort things for packing, of course and he will have to get help as I'm voting with my feet. I'm not up to this shit mentally or physically anymore. Fact.


In terms of the FOREVER HOME, we aren't there yet, maybe one more house and then?


Who knows?


I've only fallen in love with just a few homes (in the nearly 35 years I've been married) that I have wished to buy and I know I could easily become obsessed with property as a business, I suppose! If I hadn't tried to become an estate agent during lock down, I may well have enjoyed a long and passionate career, but life had other plans.


Home? For me, it starts with the exterior or frontage if you like, the street credentials matter and then there's kitchen, for me anyway and it can easily go downhill after that. The thing is, with a decent enough looking house on the outside, I can certainly turn it round in the inside.


I do find that fully walled homes, end up feeling a little like a prison and truly

open ones can make me feel very vulnerable indeed. We learn as we go, although I'm not sure I really needed to test so many!


We had an amazing home in Sydney, but nearer the bush than the city. It was terribly wild and ranch like. A 360 deck and wonderful views. The kids used to terrify me by running to the pool with no shoes on!


Oz




I have also since realised, that I'm not great with critters, especially snakes and spiders, nor am I great with Christmas in summer and trying to stay awake to ring my relatives. It all felt terribly upside down. My family and friends were getting up as I was going to sleep! I felt very, very homesick. Looking back my homesickness was chronic and needed treatment I think! Also, the flora and fauna gave me horrid allergies and yet, time spent on the beaches with our friends was precious. In Australia you can certainly live the outdoors lifestyle, which is great for young families.






Toronto was odd. We had the best house. Masses of square footage, very modern and a fabulous chefs kitchen, but it marked low on the property Richter scale because, one it was soooo expensive and two, it was on a busy junction! The other issue that drove us ever so slightly mad, was that soon there was building work on our doorstep and it was entirely ridiculous noise wise. If I could have moved that house to the lakes.....well, we can't have everything now can we or can we?


Toronto



Still its quite gamble, finding the one, a bit like marriage I guess? I do admire those that stay in the one place, one home their whole married lives? I will never know what that's like.


That said, I've always subscribed to the 'we can move, we are not tree's' statement. I've never understood families that struggle for work and don't look to the rest of the world for answers? There's always a better life for you all, you just have to want it bad enough I guess?


Mostly, our 'house' choices have been to do with where my husband works until the pandemic, which changed everything for us. Suddenly he was home 'working' and our options seemed better, if it wasn't for the fact we were indeed locked down. I know 2020 was over 3 years ago now, but I do believe most of us are just getting back to the plans we put on hold?


From April 1989 and my marriage to my Royal Engineer husband to now, it's been interesting, never boring, but there's been a really dull ache building inside me. I need roots and I need them soon. I've said it before and I will say it again, I put off starting things because a move would mean I have to stop again. That bit has been a little difficult and I'm very ready to invest in me now.


I want to travel 'just because' and not because of my husbands career. That would be just lovely, thanks.


I still have my reservations about France as 'home' post Brexit, but I'm definitely willing to give it a good go. It's been an adventure from the start of buying our first French Wreck to now and finally getting it finished. I do feel some affection for her now, which is unexpected but it's in no way a love story. I feel we've had a foot in France for a very long time and now it's time to jump all in or forget it. The waters may be a tad murky and we don't know how we will settle? That said, if we don't go for it now, we never will!


We are mid 50's and I think we have just a few more years in us to try new things, if this doesn't work out. Yes, I'm a plan B kinda girl!


I so want the love story, nothing less.


Moving never gets easier, it just gets harder, don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise! I do have to be realistic in that my loves work, may take him away again and we've agreed, I won't be left behind but what about 'home'? Well, I guess we would leave it waiting for our return. I think my days of packing up lock stock and two smoking barrels are nearly over, we'd just have to make the back and forth work, with the comfort of knowing we have something to come back to?


This move is a first of sorts and will be without any kids in tow. It will be easier to go with the flow, rather than have to disregard my feeling for theirs I guess? Us mothers do tend to put our needs last don't we?


Still, my chap has a business to run and clients to see, but ultimately we will be finishing off this renovation together one way or another.


I so have this romantic notion of my future home, like some dream of their wedding, my dream is and always has been a home curated by me, full of eclectic treasures that mean nothing to anyone else, but the world to us. I stopped putting up photos a long time ago and I'm really looking forward to putting that right more than anything.


I've always been absolutely certain that once finished, we'd sell our first French home, now I'm not so sure? Maybe we will just buy another one and keep no.1? One thing I do know for certain is that we need to get it finished first and then see how we feel?


All being well and let's face it, we never know what curve balls are around the corner, we hope to at least finish the renovation in 2024, that's the aim anyway!


D x














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