is it?
but it is beautiful. It's important to remember that during the dull every days. Cherish each day you get to wake up and join in, even if you don't want to!
Still, saying all of that, I need a little break from the socials, maybe a week or two, maybe forever, who knows? No particular reason, other than it's healthy to stop the feeding, the endless scrolling and living with a phone in my hands sometimes! We all need to pause the online life from time to time and I've expended a lot of energy repairing my immune system lately which is still kicking off like a naughty toddler, whilst trying to entertain you all. For now I need a little me time. I know you'll understand.
Since December, it's been one thing after another and these last few days, me and the loo have been inseparable. Not groovy I know. Also, I can't be the only one wondering about the companies that have my/our online data and have stopped fact checking amongst other backward nonsense, oh so politically motivated by the new incumbent in the White House Oval Office.
I must say, growing up, I always wanted to travel the USA but now I actually feel sorry for the people there, it's not really the free world is it! What a mess and also what strange times we live in, where 'they' reverse the good done and blame the people not responsible for war. That's not diplomacy, that’s war mongering!
It really does feel like we are already living in a post apocalyptic dystopia! It's not coming my lovelies, it's already here! I'm trusting in Europe and the UK not to cave and to stand firm against the bullying. Don't get me started on how isolated the UK is post Brexshit, whose stupid idea was that!
Remember USA, the United Kingdom also sold a lie and no one is better off financially or otherwise!
Turn off the news and go watch the spring birds!
Anyway, I digress!
Having celiacs disease is a real challenge and when I get normal everyday bugs, it takes me a lot longer to recover. This winter its been quite awful, those pesky viruses just keep coming, one on top of the other. I need to get out more but everytime I do, I get a new strain of something nasty and it's so tedious!
Emotionally, it's been a lot, for reasons already spoken about in my last blogs. Given that we've also been knee deep in renovations on top of everything else, Philip then goes and looses his one client, not on purpose of course, but the phone isn't ringing off the hook yet, which is both surprising and deeply worrying at the same time. It's never happened before and also he's always had plenty of notice of any contract ending in time to find something else until this time, right on top of Christmas as well! It had to happen one day I suppose, but the timing was awful and we were really caught off guard. Being an expert in his field means that there isn't a whole lot to chose from, it's a small pond and it will never be where we live. We know that this time of year is never a good time to go fishing, end of budget reckoning and all that, but there a few hot irons in the fire and hopefully all will be well. Failing that, we will go back packing! I'm so temped.
I am a bit gutted for him, as he worked so hard to get a really difficult project across the line and once finally accepted by all, the green light to go given, then with zero warning they said, 'thank you we can now replace you with two cheaper people'!
Ouch.
It's a cut throat world out there folks!
How long will our money last? Well, it won't last long at this rate and we are both ready for a new adventure, really itching to get going. It's at times like these, not retired and still needing to work, that we again wonder what France offers us? Why did we invest here? We know absolutely that it's a socialist country, it's not a surprise, of course not. Still, I have to say trying to be 'entrepreneurial' in France may be the biggest mistake we've ever made and we've made some doozy's in the 35+ years we've been married I can tell you, who hasn't?
I won't be harping on about the former French wreck because well, it's almost ready to be sold or whatever! That said, had we not been renovating, our savings book would be very content right now, but we are where we are and it is a little concerning.
We've added a few more things that need doing to the list, so fingers crossed we are looking at everything done bar the big barn by mid May! The barn we will tackle if the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow starts filling up again!
Finance for the business here seems almost non existent or we are missing something? There's no loan on this property, so we thought we will leverage to start a hospitality business SW France. We've been told over and over again, 'we don't do that here'. Okay, great so unless one was born with pots of money, how does one make it?
Also, his clients will never be in France because the French generally hire the French, thats the stinking truth. I do need to be able to work and add to the coffers, but what, how and when? I've become increasingly frustrated with not working for me, my self esteem, keeping my creative juices going, nevermind keeping the bank balance topped up! It's a conundrum.
We know change is coming and it's on our minds 24/7 at the moment. There's a big kettle of stress brewing again and I feel it's about to blow one way or another.
Winter can be hard, dark and miserable and even in early spring there's that feeling of not being freed from hibernation yet, but I feel it 100 times more here, I do and I have felt so very trapped lately. I do get homesick but its not for a house, it's for my people familiar routines, garden centres, favourite shops and eateries. Does that make sense?
We also part support our youngest financially, who lives in London but blow me down, she's recently had to terminate her contract with an independent school in London because of a bad boss situation. She lasted 6 long months on their front desk with several knives in her back, poor love and I'm proud of her for standing her ground. She tried, she really did. We agreed, somethings are just over before they begin. Often these first proper jobs don't fit well because we don't yet know what we want or need and no job is worth one's mental health being in the gutter. I can't believe that a school behaved like that really, I mean the whole point of that educational environment is to encourage, nurture and invest. It’s shocking and sad at the same time. Of course a complaint went in via the governors, but so far not a dicky bird! Charming but really not unexpected. Still she's so young and in not many months time it will be a distant memory and life will feel more balanced again.
She's picked herself up, dusted herself down, paid her rent till the beginning of April and is hard at work trying to find a new job, probably not in a small independent school I hope. Tragically, she is privately schooled herself, but honestly if I could go back in time, I'd throw them all in a big camper and travel the world educating them in real life! Awful to feel like the school fees were a waste, but it's a life lesson isn't it? For my girl this is just one resset of many in her next 50 odd working years! It's important to be able to just move on isnt it?
I'm so proud of her for taking the knock backs and not becoming a victim in the process. Just this morning she was on call back for a second interview but they took the first one in before her and cancelled her interview all by text. This is how it's done and London life is both expensive and fast. Teflon coat on dear girl and keep going!
The upside is, whilst he's waiting for the one (job not girl), he's getting those pesky reno jobs completed, so we are moving at a better, more consistent pace now and that coving in the hallway is finally done!
It's surprising when you get to the end game of a full reno, the list of little things and snags seems enormous and it is! Are we ever really done? Not sure, but we have to be now and it's a good thing sometimes to be pushed into a corner, sometimes........!
It has rained and rained and those grey skies haven't been blue enough yet, but summer will show her pretty face soon my loves. Hang in there. Love and gumption, back soon enough, I'm sure
D x
Comments