RIP Pam Gagiano, you were so loved....
Bonjour again my friends, I hope you are enjoying the glorious summer of '24 and the lovely but rather hot weather we've been having?
I'm going to start this blog, with one of the last WhatsApp messages I received from my good friend Pam, before she suddenly passed away, just a week ago as we were saying Aurevoir to July, it made me smile, I hope it makes you smile too?
" This is meant to be a summer of lazy afternoon sex, bbq's and good rose with a gin martini or two"
.....and just like that, thank you dear Pam for making over 50's sex as normal as mixing that dirty martini, you led from from the front, you little minx.
I realise with reflection, she was very sad to be wasting time in hospitals rather than living the La Vida Loca en Francais. I will always think of you my dear Pam, when I think of summer.
Pam was my sunflower in human form, bless her. She first joined me way back when, in my online Humble Tart Kitchen days. Our friendship has endured many platform changes and grew steadily throughout the years, she often turned me towards the sun, god bless her. However, its to my great shame and regret that we've never met! We came close many times and I was sincerely hoping we would meet this year, before the chime of those new year bells. I had a vague plan to catch her in South Africa in September, I was too late.
How dare the sun still shine?
How can the world still spin when I'm in deep mourning?
Pam, I'm sure would have a very good but funny answer for me!
Pam's illness was short and her passing very unexpected. I noticed I'd missed a call from her, only to ring back and her husband to answer instead. It wasn't unusual for Andre to answer really, we've had a few chatty conversations over the years and so I expected a tale of something medical maybe.....that she was momentarily indisposed and.........but I didn't expect, could never expect what came next, the worst news that still rings in my head!
I still can't quite believe she's gone, my Joie de vivre!
We were travelling to the South West of France at the time of that fateful call and all I could do was sit there in the passenger seat and howl, whilst Philip patted my shoulder. I will never forget those first hours of loss. The pain isn't of this world is it?
Of course Pam was part of many communities and is a huge loss to many of us, not just me, of course not and clearly her husband and family are left bereft, such was her presence, my thoughts and prayers are with them all at this time. Some folks leave a dint in the universe but our Pam left a flipping big crater!
Pam was good at the game of confidentiality in a way I've never experienced before. She knew when to share and when not to and was an odd duck, in that she loved people and privacy equally.
Pam was, she was my sunshine, up with the larks, saying good morning before our little group chat had managed even one eye open. She brought a bucket of positivity to our lives and indeed she had reached that wonderful point in lifes great adventure, where she easily lived in the moment. She appreciated those little glimmers in life, a sunset, a decent view and the real and present wonders in life, her husband and family, her friends, good food and drink.
I looked forward to tales of her travelling adventures, safari's, F1, Apero time and her grill (Brai) cooking every dam day! Pam hailed from sunny South Africa and I can still hear her dulcet, familiar heavy South African accent and of course the odd made up but now famous swear words. She was just fabulous in every way!
Pam was absolutely no nonsense and had a world of wise advice to give, but it was metered gently with a bucket of love and lots and lots of laughter.
She was our online nurse, always there with concern and a medical solution. Her sense of humour is now legendary and I will miss that part of her the most. I don't know if Pam ever realised how much she was loved by myself and many others? I do hope so.
With our friendship lasting well over a decade, she's gone and left a huge hole in my life and I fear it won't heal until we meet again. In the end she was the pin holding my life together, a constant, a truly stalwart friend. She shadowed me through the best and the worse times. My heart is utterly broken and I will miss her for the rest of my life.
Pam was a tour de force, vital and whilst loving a glass or more of fizz, she lived healthy and was always walking it off. 5ks before the sun came up, there was an incredible energy about her! She was absolutely determined to age well and that’s another reason I was so shocked hearing the news! She, in my mind was gonna beat the suspected cancer, kick its arse and go on sticking one finger up to ageing in general! Of course she'd live disgracefully, wickedly and wildly to 103!
Sigh.
Sometime life throws a curve ball right into ones solar plexus. I am wallowing a bit and I feel its justified, as she was such an influencer in my life.
Pam definitely didn't act her age at all, in fact I never really felt any real difference in age between her and I. She was very much my beloved big sister and I shall forever be looking for a sign she is still with me, truly.
To know Pam is to love her.
My heart goes out to her wonderful, huge and vibrant family all over the world. Pam had 5 children who all went on to gift her a brood of gorgeous grandchildren. We all loved to see pictures of the grandkids and catch up on her family dynasty. Andre, her loving husband will surely be entirely lost without her support? I'd say 'lost love' but you don't loose that kind of love, even when its no longer of this mortal coil. One doesn't loose a love that precious, it stays until the end of time.
I realise that in the last few years Pam wasn't that enamoured with social media and probably wouldn't have bothered if it wasn't for me, insisting we all stick together. I likened us to that American tv series 'Sweet Magnolias', all very different but complimenting each other at the same time. Our sweet friendship was really important to me and she was always a good friend, better than good, she was a gift.
I know we probably had our moments and didn't always see eye, who does, but Pam was a very classy lady, calm and considered with a wicked sense of humour, I think it was her Irish heritage? She rarely took things personally and I loved working with her.
Bless her and her lovely green eyes! I understood her love of the sea and of course that golden ball in the sky, her nemesis was indeed sunshine! It fed her soul. She was a deep thinker and passionate lady, defying the aging process with a smile and a two's up! My goodness Pam you really are the missing piece of the puzzle now, the empty seat at the UnFrench table and my heart aches for the loss of such a long and caring friendship.
My dearest darling Pamela, I hope you didn't suffer? I hope you didn't know what was coming and had you known, I know you would have fought very hard to live to a fabulously old and ridiculously irritating age, if you could have. I also know you wouldn't have wanted to leave any of us ever, but equally you'd advise us to grieve well, add copious amounts of wine and a soupçon of laughter, but then get the fudge over it and live well. Your recipe for living is what I will try and aspire to for the rest of my days on this complicated wreck of a planet. I promise you I will do better, smile more and not take the world's problems on for myself.
You were a people person dear Pam, you loved a party, 'a bit of a do' and I journeyed with you on your search for that forever home in the south of France, you were at home there. I really wished you'd found your Shangri-La my love, in many ways you did, just not those permanent roots! Who needs roots anyway, we are not tree's!
Pam you were a life elixir, a tonic, a heart warmer and a story teller, a natural healer. You loved life and the business of living and you loved your friends and family so hard. Equally, you didn't want drama or nonsense, so I have no idea why you stuck with me but I'm so very glad of it. I thank you for your incredible loyal friendship, being a safe port in my many storms. You gave me hope and made me giggle even when the chips were down. I don't know how you found me, but I'm incredibly and eternally grateful for your guidance and your love throughout the years, many platforms and many countries.
I do vaguely remember sending Pam a voice note about how much I loved her and she responded saying I'd made her cry. I hope they were tears of love my dear? It hurts my heart that there will be no more earthly conversations for us, but I still find myself looking for your messages, because you are a hard habit to break.
You've gained your wings too early which I guess is no surprise, as the good ones always go first.
Her very last message to me was on my UK phone, which I'd left behind and it only arrived back yesterday.
It read simply 'I'm starting treatment today x' and that was the begining of the end.
I'll be seeing you my friend.
À tout à l'heure mon cheri!
D x
Comentarios