Getting ready to do it all again......

oh oh.....

.....but not yet and never in France. I think we both had a little wobble there for a minute and I suspect it's to do with healing, the process and also those French property rose tinted glasses reappeared for a while. Like the pain of giving birth, we've soon forgotten how much pain it caused us.

For me, I think it's me worrying about what we can afford here down the line and if I can find a special building to connect with. The UK is of course an entirely different prospect real estate wise. There isn't a glut of good value beautiful old buildings needing the full monty. Lets face it, 150k in France would buy you the raw bones of a stunning home to be, here? We have to sell our souls and our grannies to the devil to get anything like. France comes with many pro's but it's the con's you have to be wary of.

He really fancies an old church but I would rather a country house or something different like an old school house. I rather like the thought of a church but they don't usually come with an acre or two of views or garaging and outbuildings.

Listen, If at 27 I'd have been able to see into the future, I'd be agast that the forever home still aluded me at 57! It's all I ever wanted from my life, happy kids and a home hub they could all come back to when they fancied. Life has taught me that the kids are rarely happy and life does really throw some curve balls at you along the way. Those curve balls can be a lot to juggle at times eh!

I'm not maudlin, I've had a wonderfully adventurous life thus far and lived pretty much in all those key countries many people still dream of. I'm lucky in many ways.

Him? I just think it's a sadness that it didn't work out and it took so much from us, ending in not giving us anything meaningful back. He has now categorically said 'there's no going back' and I believe him.

The only thing I can take from our fractured French adventure, is that someone will get a stunning home and of course, we now have a pocket full of experience or in our case, lessons learnt to pour into the next one!

Job loss was not something we ever thought about or planned for, we'd always been lucky in that regard and it hit him very hard. It was equally tough to watch him doubt himself. It wasn't an age thing, engineering is full of silver haired men, in fact it's a requirement in that industry. The more wisened, the better. 57 isn't old at all but the loss rocked our previously comfortable world. No it was a France thing and trying to bill his clients through France, they don't need or want to and thats fair enough. Also France isn't great at sharing work with foreigners.

He's back on it now and I can see his confidence slowly returning and maybe there's even a smile appearing here and there. We forget our men are often the bread winners and carry such a lot on their shoulders. Even when it first happened we had no idea he would go without work for 6 very long months. He's just about to go full time as we head into September! Bloody fantastic news!

We have been at the end of our tether more often than not lately and worried that by the back end of 2025, we could be in the same awful jobless position like ground hog day but by year! Luckily he got the nod on Thursday that work is increasing not waning. Phew! It wasn't about his skills, age or experience just bad luck really.

That was the risk I suppose, putting all those eggs in one basket which we had done and then some.

We've shed many tears and beat ourselves up many times but at some stage we had to accept this latest challenge, keep calm and carry on.

We are fine here, where we are for now but time and age doesn't feel to be on our side. We have got just 3 years before the big 60 and realise of course, that we must now repair our finances post France, as quickly as humanly possible. By 60 we want to be renovating at the very least! Renting is of course less than half the price of paying a mortgage but we do want the re edited dream and do want to leave a lasting legacy, so there's that little extra pressure we are putting on ourselves to make it happen.

I do think we are finally healing though, I really do. The grief is slowly subsiding. France is not in our future, even if we manage to sort out the mess left by the errant accountant. There's no point taking the risk again, especially full time. Since Brexit, living in europe isn't quite what it once was. You need to commit to it fully or do the back and forth. At the moment I'd rather take a hard pass and find a new dream, not that France was ever my dream, it just sort of gets in your veins. However, we certainly never saw ourselves suing an accountancy firm or fighting with the French tax office. Just like we never saw us having to fight the locals for our own right of access!

These things were sent to try us!

Anyway, the house will sell and there's interest, so we can stop worrying about that, it's just a matter of time. I don't like to think of her empty and cold. We put so much time, effort and money into warming those old stones up again!

I don't miss the French house per say but I do miss feeling home, my stuff, the decor, the kitchen hub and my bath. The bathrooms here have seen better days for sure and I do not linger. I miss lingering.

It is the little things isn't it? My youngest is home for the weekend and my son has a pivotal moment in his career incoming, good luck sunshine! These are life's moments, memories made, excitement and nerves. Navigating rough waters together, wishing each other well.

My dear friend is coming from France today and bringing the wine. P is off to visit with his mum who hasn't been very well lately and it's 10 am, Saturday cooking tv is on! I need to clean up after breakfast and empty the bins. Just normal every day stuff that makes the world go round. One foot in front of the other, plodding on, feeling grateful for routine, a roof and those that don't make me cross!

I'm in my era of hard boundaries and it's high time. I do wonder why us ladies/mum's put up with snipes and swipes from all directions. I will no longer tolerate those hurtful throwaway comments, because they are not throwaway are they? They sting. We all know it's about them not us but tolerating it is just like nipping yourself. Speak loud and clear and tell them how much they are hurting you. Also, whilst someone is focused on you, they aren't focusing or dealing with their own issues, it's old time deflection. People project on to the most loving/forgiving ones don't they? Show them the mirror of their judgement and walk the fuck away, until they learn to respect themselves and you! They do not walk in your shoes and you do not want to walk in theirs.

We walk beside each other in love, friendship, empathy kindness and support. Anything less than that is a hard 'No' from me!

Gumption!

D x